The Differences in Culture Between Americans and the English

These are key differences, as the failure to understand can cause insult on all sides.

The office Christmas Party:
English: Only considered successful if someone, hopefully not you, faxes or e-mails their resignation in the next morning rather than be seen in the office ever again. Clients are invited, and are considered to be entertained if you ply them with copious amounts of champagne. Frequently black tie.
American: Only considered successful if employer will spring for more than one drink. Guests are not invited, and the real party is when everyone leaves the employer's do to go somewhere else and actually enjoy themselves without boss watching. To appear to be having a good time means that you cannot at any moment be stopped and asked for advice which could then be billed to a client, and therefore is seen as poor form.

Sneakers:
English: Plimsoles are black and can be used for casual wear with jeans and things. White sneakers are for sport, and should not be worn outside as may then scuff up squash court.
American: Status symbol. (Men) White sneakers are not to be laced, should weigh five pounds each and be as large as humanly possible. Worn with white socks, and under all types of casual clothing, whether or not they clash. (Women) Not as big, but worn to look as if about to burst into a run at any given moment, despite the fact that the furthest the wearer runs is to the car if they're late for work.

Drink:
English. Tea. Can't make coffee to save their lives, and don't particularly feel the need to try. Complain vociferously that when they travel abroad they can't get a decent cup of tea anywhere that wasn't once part of the Commonwealth, and they are correct.
American: Coffee. Can't make tea to save their lives, and don't particularly feel the need to try. Complain vociferously when they travel abroad they can't get a decent cup of tea anywhere, thus showing they've never been to Southern Europe, South America, Antartica or Canada.

Nudity/Sexuality:
English: Topless women on third page of most popular newspaper, with attributed thoughtful quote on today's top story that you know they never made. After the watershed hour of 10pm, anything goes on telly. Contraception free on NHS, as is abortion. Considers Americans to be promiscuous.
American: Janet Jackson's nipple during Super Bowl causes uproar. Contraception must be paid for, ditto abortion (which on practical level is difficult to obtain in some states at all). Abstinence only sex education. "Ring thing" wait til marriage movement popular. Considers the English to be prudish.

New York Yankees Hats:
American: Shows loyalty to highly overpaid team currently languishing near bottom of American League East. To start discussion, mention new found "Curse of A-Rod."
English: Shows marketing savvy of Major League Baseball to people who've never watched a baseball game in their lives, but know that NY stands for New York. To start discussion, ask them if they've ever seen a game. When they say no, inform of current bottom dweller status, and offer to replace with proper Red Sox hats for winners.

Sports:
English: Wonder aloud why World Series is so named, when only America participates. Excel at sports they invented, such as rugby, cricket, fives, and badminton, which is a professional sport in the UK. Also known to excel at watersports, as befits island nation. Many sports events are upper class social events involving dress codes and royal attendence, such as Ascot, the Grand National and the Epsom Derby (horse racing), Henley (rowing), the Boat Race (no dress code required, but broadcast on telly), Cowes Week (sailing), and gardening (Chelsea Flower Show). Queen enters horses in many races, and is known to enjoy betting on the ponies.

American: Wonder what on earth are the rules to cricket and rugby, aren't they just forms of baseball and football (meaning: American football, not soccer-known-in-rest-of-world-as-football)? Have never heard of fives. Know that World Series has players from all over the world, predominantly South America and Japan, it is just that teams are owned by Americans, rather like Manchester United, which is soon to be relocated to Manchester, NH. Excel at sports they invented, such as baseball, football and basketball. Most popular sport to watch is NASCAR racing. Most sporting events are seen as opportunity for everyone to go and watch regardless of class, but this is rapidly being overtaken by the opportunity for everyone to go and watch on TV since corporate boxes are the way to go at the sporting arenas and your average person now cannot afford tickets. President used to own major league baseball team, has T-ball field on Presidential lawn, and enjoys photo ops with winners but not losers of major tournaments.

Food
American: Fast food predominates. One mega meal can provide entire days recommended caloric intake, and is cheaper than fresh fruit and veg. Considers English food bland and overcooked, but has never eaten it. Portions humongous. Eating out cheap and frequent.

English: Spicy food of former colonies predominates (Hong Kong Chinese, Indian, etc.) along with roasted hunk of meat and veg. Fast food considerably more expensive than fruit and veg. One mega meal equivalent to small size meal in America. Portions small. Eating out event which requires making reservation to guarantee table.

Driving
American: Petrol is cheaper than milk, so why not make your car the size of your house and live in it? Cup holders and fast food drive throughs mean that you don't ever have to leave your car except for the call of nature, which comes in handy when driving across, say, North Dakota and there's nothing for miles and miles. Road signage variable at the best of times, and if you don't know how to get where you're going, you didn't really want to get there in the first place.

English: Stop every two hours for a cup of tea. Cup holders non-existent. Roads good and fast, and radio set up to interrupt broadcast if there is a travel alert so you can take a different road around the trouble. Economy matters, since petrol costs per litre what a gallon costs in America. And besides, if you take the train, you can eat and drink on it, which you would never do in your car unless you're common.

Road Directions
American (well, New England): unofficial motto: "Can't get there from here." So accurate, they spoofed it on Saturday Night Live as a game show. One way systems and lack of signage make every trip to the shops an adventure as you never know where you might wind up. Spring brings pothole season. The spotting of the first hubcap flying off the car in front of you is much like seeing the first robin.

English: will conduct extortionately long discussions on which is the fastest route from A to B, and the cleanliness of the Happy Eater rest stops along the way. The discussions on directions are held at cocktail parties, thus increasing alcohol consumption for everyone listening as they try to cope.